i don't

want to say goodbye.

even if it is for the best for what's going on right now.

i'm here no matter what.

in the end i think things will be better and work themselves out.

and i will look forward to the next greeting, and warm embracing.

i'm going to miss you, so much.

Copy Cat

STOKED LIST:

-copying L*nUcK and aLliGoOd's stoked lists

-pumpkin pie

-BLACKBERRY STORM

-seeing my mom

-pancake night with Evan again

-writing better blog posts

-next semseter

-this semester ending

-late nights

-driving to new playlists

-change

-joshua smiz.

i hope

you find this link, through lurking i'm sure, and i want you to know if i ever fucking see you again, you will be sorry that interaction never occurred.

i hate you so fucking much. 

you really have no idea.

shmellow

im so sleepy, this weekend's going to suck.

so much work, so little time.

i own a glow in the dark spaceship onesie now, im so stoked on it.

freezing.

i'm in bed with three sweatshirts on, sweatpants, socks and two comforters.

this weather sucks. 

as do the windows of my apartment. 

i am miserable.

no one wants to/can go to shafer with me.

so bummed.

Monday night, well Tuesday morning really, Josh surprised me. 

He told me that Huskey needed to stay with me because he was on his way back from JMU.

I agreed to letting him stay and then tried my hardest to stay up. After falling asleep and waking up freaking out that Huskey was here and freezing outside, I got a call from Josh letting me know Huskey was thirty minutes away and that I just needed to stay up a little bit longer. It was about 3:45am when i get a text saying Huskey was outside my door. You see, Huskey's phone was dead and randomly had a pre-paid phone and kept calling Little Eric and Josh because he didn't have my number memorized. I got out of bed to let Huskey in, put on sweatpants and hoodie because its freezing outside. I opened the door and Josh was standing there. I'm pretty sure that was the best I've felt all month. I was so stoked. Oh, and Little Eric was there too of course, he drove his car which surprisingly made it. Seriously, that was the best thing anyones ever done for me. 

i'm going to stop blogging so i can put my hands under the covers, they're basically frozen.

25 ta life on friday at the beach, then back to richmond for work and a fuck ton of homework.

will this semester ever end?

this

rollercoaster ride is making me nauseous.

i've gone to the gym the past three days, i'm proud of myself.

i've been working on my self motivation in all aspects of my current life as of recently.

i could post more, but i think i'm going to have a bagel and go to the gym, again.

the

wait is over.

fuck

pessimism and hatred.

cab;fioah;sdlfkjaksd

i want to get tattooed.

and i hate the way i am.

i hate how i feel all the time now.

i hate being down on myself.

i hate that i hate so much.

i wish i could rewind my life sometimes.

i miss you.

:[ 3 more days.

dizzy.

recap of the weekend:

thursday: ray ray's birthday party.

friday: lunch's for the yrc birthday event.

saturday: free show at volume

today: back in richmond.

needless to say, there was a lot of cake on peoples faces.

i miss you. a lot. i cannot wait for this week to be over. and things to be normal again.

thats all i want. i just want to lay in bed in your arms for hours. i want all of these bad feelings to just go away. its like every time you turn around there's a horrible nightmare whispering in my ear. i don't want to be scared anymore. of anything. the fear won't go away until you're back here with me, and i know for sure.

35 hours

until i'll be with you.

i gotta break free.

i just can't fail forever.

some day i will set it straight

taking chances to make things happen

for myself, no one else but me.

wirghahgakjabd;lsdhfa'ldfj

i am anxious.

i don't like it.

i have so much on my mind.

i need someone to talk to.

fucking birds.

i hate birds.

i just hate them, real live ones at least.

drawings, photographs, images of any nature of birds infatuate me though.

its bizarre.

i mean, i have a peacock on my arm, i can't hate them that much.

i saw this image and wanted it impulsively on my body.

im a strange person.

CHANGE

09.

best.

i wish i could see H2O every day of my life.

i have a presentation in 20 minutes. fuck.

i want to go to the gym today. i need to start getting my shit together.

i keep telling myself this, but i fail at it.

current to dos:

start going to the gym between 7 and 4 times a week.

acquire a bicycle.

acquire blackberry storm

set time aside to actually do my interior design work, instead of rushing before deadlines.

spend atleast an hour a week in the library researching something of interest.

stop spending money.

better myself.

give to others more, stop caring about my material needs as much.

get on a regular sleep cycle.

josh is at the beach this week.

hopefully i'll get my car and go down on friday, if that falls through does anyone/was anyone planning on going down friday night or saturday? If so, could i possibly catch a ride?

free pushing on and averman show this weekend. thats worth it.

i have to go to class now. 

farewell.

evan novak never made me pancakes

yesterday ruled.

work 10-2, that was weak.

the new pumpkin spice smoothie is my new favorite. forever.

came home, chilled, worked on my project for class. fuckkkkkk, its due tomorrow and i have bane tonight. :/ womp womp.

evan picked my up on his way home from work. did josh's laundry, made pancakes, ate candy and watched hockey. lots of hilarious moments of course. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

i did not sleep well at all last night.

i was expecting to after i got the balls to drink all the disgusting thera-flu :[

h2o and bane tonight. im pretty sure i'm going? things have been ironed out 100%.

but i know i have to get this in design shit done. oh marvelous.

sometimes

you just need a little time to yourself.

even though i'm longing to be with you, i know its better we're apart.

i just remembered how i hate sleeping alone.